Friday, January 06, 2006
5 days into the new year, 2006 and looking back, it was not too bad a year. accomplished what i wanted, have what i want, and am very happy. but then it struck me. how great an impact have i made in life? what am i? to my friends, my fellow schoolmates, my teachers etc.? honestly, i think it's
nothing.zhi hope you don't mind me saying this but i think it's something really very worth mentioning and honourable. and am very very super duper proud of you. :D anyway, zhi was asked by my ex-4/7 form teacher, miss yeo to give a speech to
inspire young hopefuls in nanyang that want to go to oxbridge. she has also asked clara to do the same too. and i was thinking, how cool! 2 of our class representative. simply great. and i was damn proud that i was part of this wonderful class. and i think it's one of the best thing that happened in my life. i mean we have moved on with our life. and each and everyone of us are going to very different paths. some may have turned to the better, some may have became worse. but these are just minor things which ain't going to affect what i've ever thought of 4/7. people change and it's part and parcel of life. but in my heart, 4/7 will always rock no matter how different we have become.
anyway i'm drifting d. what i wanted to say was that, after the-very-proud-and-happy-for-them moment, i suddenly paused and thought to myself.
what have i done in the past years? and i was just thinking which teacher would actually suddenly email me out of the blue to ask me how i was doing and what am i up to now? honestly i can safely say
none. i never made that
impact in my teachers' heart. i've never made that
impact in my school. think the only impact i've ever made was being that bitchy, think-i'm-so-great-and-pretty netballer. which isn't an image that i would like to keep or am proud of. as i grow older, these things become so superficial and not at all important anymore. last time, netball was everything it seems. a popular sport, being a netballer somehow gave us that "almighty" feeling. but i beg to differ. as we grow older, who would give a fuck about these netballer?
i'm not trying to say i regret being one. i still love playing netball. and it was something that is irreplacable. i had my fun and all but what i'm just trying to say is that i never made that impact that people would think back about me. it's the past and nothing i can do. but from the past, i can try to amend what i do in the future and hopefully not lead that kind meaningless, superficial life anymore. which sadly my life has been revolving around. not that i want to do something GREAT, like create something or win a nobel prize. but would like to at least do something meaningful for people to look up upon. well at the very least, i know my class 4/7 made an impact in nanyang. which i'm very proud to be in. but when teachers think about 4/7, would i even be included? i doubt it. probably only my form teachers can rem,
hopefully.so this year, the new year, 2006, i just have few new year resolution. (i've never done that actually. hehe.) i hope to
1. lead a more meaningful life. and hopefully go on some kind of "mission" trip. not quite, but those out reach kinda projects. so am quite up for joining the smsl one. i hope that my life would not just revolve in my oh-so-ever-drama life. which honestly, i'm sick of it already. everytime my friends ask me how am i (not that i don't appreciate it. i do! really.) they'll ask so what's up with your LOVE life now. it's like it seems that's all i can ever have plenty to talk about. AND I DON'T WANT!
2. no more dramamama life anymore. enough.
and zhi i really want to listen to you this time. i know you have said it COUNTLESS of time. but i just realised everytime you have something to say to me, or whatsoever, it just seems that it's ALWAYS about my love life. that i should try to be this and that. i'm so freaking superficial and just plain lousy.
3. just basically be a better person. well i have loads more. but i know i'm not going to be able to keep them i think. hehe. so let's just try a little at a time. hey at least i'm trying! and let's see as i plod along 2006, see if i can actually be able to fullfill my other resolution that i want to. (one of them being to keep my room neat when i came back for year 2. and guess what? my room is still in a mess. OH WELL. -__-")
really do hope that i'll make a different impact in pple's life now. really. no wonder pple still treat me like a kid. sigh. grow up soph. you need to grow up more. life isn't just about your STUPID drama life. be more
selfless. i hope i can. and anyone who reads this, i hope you can guide me. thanks. :) and now back to studying. got an exam which i hope i can finish studying. bleah. :(
S ranted at 12:40 am |
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